I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
barbara walters just said penis...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
