drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
