I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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