I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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