you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bring me that man meat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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