i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
