If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the day after is always just damage control
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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