there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
