They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
