Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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