I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize