So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
