I'm going to rape someone's good day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
