you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize