Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
