my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
