My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
