Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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