I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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