p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
