forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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