oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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