If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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