Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
