Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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