Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
