yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
