I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
