i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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