singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
