Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
