He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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