so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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