SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
