Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
