i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
