its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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