Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
