Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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