Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
