Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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