She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize