Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
