it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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