I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
