I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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