So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
