I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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