rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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