it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
