Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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