Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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