I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize