If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
