perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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