a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
