i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize