I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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