I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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