didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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