I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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