I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can't motorboat a personality
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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