I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
