this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
