im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
