i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is Oprah even human
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
