shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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