Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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