wat bout pragnant strippers??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
