I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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