yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
