addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
