the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize