No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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