Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
