So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
