party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
